Happy 46 to Me… and Some Honest Thoughts

1 day ago
4 min read

Updated: 1 day ago

A Quick Note Before I Start

I know we’re already in March, and I haven’t been as consistent here as I hoped to be this year. Life has been… a lot lately. Between work, exhaustion, winter in New York, and trying to keep up with everyday responsibilities, I just haven’t had the energy to sit down and write the way I wanted to.

But I’ve learned something about this space: it’s better to show up honestly than to disappear completely.

So even though this post is a little late, these are the thoughts that have been sitting on my heart since the start of the year.

Happy 2026… and Happy 46 to Me

My birthday was February 3rd, and I turned 46.

Lately I’ve been feeling a mix of emotions. Some days I feel hopeful, some days I feel drained, and some days I just feel like I’m trying to get through the day.

Recently there was a trending challenge on Instagram where you create a character version of yourself that represents all the things you do. I tried it, and honestly… she was super cute.

But it also made me pause.

Because when I looked at that character, it reminded me of how much I actually do… and how tired I’ve been feeling in real life.

Winter in New York Has Been Brutal

If you live in New York right now, you know the weather has been ridiculous. It feels like the temperature is somewhere between Alaska and Antarctica.

I’ve also been fighting off a cold that hasn’t fully hit yet. You know the kind that just lingers, like it’s waiting for the moment you stop taking care of yourself.

So I’ve been doing the usual: TheraFlu, hot tea, bundling up, trying to stay warm.

We even had a big snowstorm, and of course… I still went to work.

The Complicated Truth About Work

Here’s the thing.

I actually like my job. I enjoy the work I do, and I genuinely love most of the people I work with.

But like most workplaces, there are a few people who can make things incredibly draining.

You can have 30 people who respect you, support you, and make the day flow smoothly, but then there are a few people whose energy completely shifts the environment.

Those interactions can make getting up in the morning feel heavy.

And lately I’ve been realizing something else too: I give a lot.

Even when I try not to give 110%, it’s hard. Helping, fixing things, and making sure everything runs smoothly is just part of who I am.

But sometimes it feels like all that effort isn’t always acknowledged or compensated in the way it should be.

And that starts to wear on you.

Living in Survival Mode

Bills always come first.

And sometimes it feels like I’m constantly trying to figure things out just to stay afloat.

When I get home from work, I’m so exhausted that the things I actually want to do get pushed aside.

I’m too tired to:

Work on the blog
Sketch out cake designs
Connect with potential clients
Work on my website
Even do my own self-care sometimes

And that part hurts a little, because those are the things that usually bring me joy.

Missing My Friends

I also miss my friends.

But life looks different now.

Some live in Delaware, some in Florida, and many still have younger kids at home. Getting together isn’t as simple as it used to be. Everything requires scheduling, planning, and sometimes asking yourself if you can even afford the outing that week.

Adult friendships take effort, and sometimes distance makes that effort harder.

Thinking About Love

Lately I’ve also been reflecting on relationships.

I was with my daughter’s father for 17 years. We met young, built a life together, and eventually realized we had grown apart.

After that, I was in another relationship for seven years, and that one left a different kind of mark on my heart.

When I look back now, I realize I accepted less than I deserved in some moments.

Not just the bare minimum… sometimes even less than that.

That realization is difficult, because it makes you question why you allowed certain things in the first place.

Right now I’m not rushing into relationships.

I am talking to someone, and it’s calm. There’s no pressure, no expectations, and honestly that feels comfortable right now.

But deep down, I still believe I deserve a love where someone shows up for me the way I show up for them.

Remembering My Own Accomplishments

Recently a friend reminded me of something I hadn’t thought about in a while.

She asked me when I became a wedding officiant.

I told her 2015, almost like it wasn’t a big deal.

But when I really thought about it, I realized that it actually was a big deal.

I had to study. I had to get licensed. I had to step into something new.

Sometimes we diminish our own accomplishments without even realizing it.

And I think I’ve been doing that for a while.

Where I Am Right Now

If this post feels a little all over the place, it’s because my thoughts have been all over the place too.

Work.Relationships.Bills.Goals.Dreams.Exhaustion.

All mixed together.

But if turning 46 has reminded me of anything, it’s this:

I may feel tired right now, but that doesn’t mean my story is finished.

It just means I’m in a season where I’m trying to find my energy again, reconnect with myself, and figure out what peace really looks like in my life.

So I’m not going to promise perfect consistency here.

But I will promise honesty.

And when I have the energy and the words… I’ll meet you here.