Hey guys, it's been a while. I figure with the quarantine going on now is probably the best time to work on La Blog. So let's jump into it. 10 things you probably don't know about me and I sort of didn't know about myself. I thought long and hard about this list worked on it for 3 days and then worked on it some more as I typed, because I really wanted to give you the truth.
1) Socially Awkward
Yup, socially awkward that's me! I find social gatherings and networking difficult. It's a daunting task for me to engage. I guess because I'm an introvert not really a people person. Knowing what to say what not to say. Making sure not to offend someone or space out while they are talking. Peopling is exhausting. I did part time brand ambassador work a few times to kind of break me out of it and it just didn't help at all even if I did get paid to do it. It's just not my thing. I value the freedom of my alone time unmasked just me being me.In my thoughts. Some thoughts more pleasant than other, but I value that.This world just has too much noise I feel like no one doesn't stop to just hear themselves the amount of people that are awkward by silence is mind boggling to me.
2) I Love Talking to God Out Loud
No I'm not like "YOO GOD WHAT IT DO" Conversational tone. God Is Everything. I love telling him my plans, ideas, happiness, hurts, angers, and frustrations. I know He knows all, but it's something about just talking to Him out loud that makes me feel fab whether it's bad or good, because I know He hears me. At times it feels like He's answering right back. It's the alone time we all need. I feel majority of the time no one understands me. Understand what I'm trying to experience or do.The journey is yours alone and it's something about the past few years and turning 40 I need to figure it out. I need that time with God. I need that time with myself. I'm tired of not living me. God is the only one that knows me and my purpose. I need that. You should try it.
3) I Am An Only Child
Born February 3rd 1980 in Harlem, NY. My father was killed when I was around 1 or 2 years of age. I am told it put my mom in a deep depression. I was raised by my family my mom, grandparents, and aunts. I never felt an emptiness growing up. My granddad was "Daddy" and he was the very best he was everything. I never wanted or needed anything my family is it. Each one of them has instilled in me lessons I will never forget and values that I try to live by. Daddy instilled God in me and value of working and taking care of your family. He is the head of our family and he carried himself as such everyday. Daddy, loved each of us we had fun loving moments.
Momma instilled creativity in me and to always take care of your children and yourself create a home. Aunt Gigi instilled, depend on no one and hold your own, because no has to do anything for you. Always be upfront with family and protect each other. While her lessons were harsh and she never sugarcoated it I have learned everyday of my adult life since she has been gone she is right. My mom has taught me we take care of each other first then the rest. Be kind and give others the benefit of the doubt. I find my moms lessons some time to be the hardest, because giving people the benefit of the doubt usually means I was wronged in some way. At least twice a week my mom comes to my house when I get home from work and we sit and talk for a while about any and everything just her and I. She sees good in all. I'm not there yet. Aunt Wendy is my confidante, my gatekeeper to that dark parts you don't want the world to know. She is nothing is too big or too bad we can't face together. If you feel too weak give me your hand. Matthew is my baby cousin truth be told I should of loved him a little harder growing up, but grateful he feels comfortable to come to me when he has a struggle. I learned from him it doesn't matter if we get on each others very last nerves we are family and we are there for each other.It is what it is...lol Praying and hoping I didn't instill any wrong in Sierah and Zaria as they grow in this world. I am blessed and grateful for the family God placed me in.
4) I Don't Like Baking
I know sounds crazy. The cake lady that doesn't like to bake...WTH I don't like it. I like the part where I turn it into something beautiful,
something fun edible art.
5) Cake Decorating is Therapeutic and Anxiety
I love decorating but sometimes I go against myself and take a cake order that doesn't excite me or I have a plan in my head of something over the top and amazing and sometimes either situation ain't working out and the anxiety sets in. So I take a nap and when I wake up my mind is renewed and I some how finesse that cake. Literally hours before it's due. You think I would learn by now.....However, before that nap it is ugly honey.. I'm surprised someone hasn't caught me in a corner holding myself...lmao
6) I Struggle With This Blog
I love it! It's a great platform to share, teach and learn; but I struggle with giving great content. I feel it should be perfect giving you jaw dropping reads. I don't want Mom Sweet Hustle to be a snooze-fest. My everyday life isn't always fascinating. I go to work, I run my errands, I cry about barely living check to check, and I go to sleep and do the shit all over again. In between I try to figure out the entrepreneurial idea that's out there for me. I read books, watch videos on motivation, manifesting, trying to get out and ahead living my best life. It is not easy. I myself don't find that interesting. I find traveling the world experiencing life interesting. Those bloggers I love. As I type this post now is that really their truth always. There has got to be women moms out there like myself. 40 still trying to figure out their purpose while still adulting. Mom Sweet Hustle is still a work and progress and that's ok. I'll figure it out one day.
7) I Was Married and Now Divorced
Not really a story there,but at one point it was embarrassing to me to admit I had a failed marriage. It was a 14 year relationship that struggled here and there as all relationships do. I got tired of trying to have the perfect image and I let go. There was a young couple that said to us "We trying to have what you guys have" and I instantly thought you sure about that and a week after I had that thought I let it go. I use to be a Disney girl wanted the fairy tale wedding and happily ever after and let me tell you I busted my ass to make sure that is what we looked liked. We were the model urban family that started out from young and grew into a beautiful family. It also took a lot of tears and invisible glue to give off that image. I'm not sad, bitter, or regretful it just is what it is.I got an amazing daughter out of the whole thing. She is priceless. Oh I would like to be clear I am still a Disney girl I just keep it the mushy on the screen. I literally watched Mary Poppins last week Disney+ is everything.
8) I Always Wanted to Model (Still Do)
Ever since I was a teen I wanted to model. Oh let me be specific before we go any further I want to be a print model. I can see me falling down a runway. I do not have RuPaul's grace my "Sissy That Walk" is great in Jordan 1's but not in stiletto and I'm ok with that honey!! Please note in the pic I am sitting my ass down...lol When I was 15 or 16 I went to Barbizon and I was told to lose 5lbs. My mom said, "Hell No" In my mom's defense I was already a twig probably weighted 110lb soaking wet... ohh the weight of yesteryear's now in the year 2020 110lbs where? SugarPop it's 110 plus 42 and with quarantine going on add a few more. When my mom said no, so I didn't pursue it any further. The past 3 years It has been on my mind a lot. In figuring out me and what I like. I asked my cousin Donna Cooper who is a comedian, actress, and author how does one get it in. She guided me to background acting, because it was also something her brother did. I did a few projects some fun, some tiring, some paid, some not paid.Not paid don't really fancy us, but you need experience and exposure. I finally did a show and it was on TV and I worked 14 hours to see myself on TV for 1 second and it was epic dammit epic I tell you . Then the show got dropped for the next season; but people I was on TV people...lol I look like a natural. The show was The Enemy Within Episode 11" The Embassy" between minute 14:54 and 14:57 Here's the clip you see me cheeks and all!!!
9) I Failed the Road Test
Yup! I failed the road test twice. It was totally my fault each time. Daddy signed me up for a driving school, senior year of high school. Instead of attending my lessons like I was suppose to I was with my boyfriend and the day of the road test I just showed up with literally only 1 lesson taken out of 10 and I failed instantly. The second time I practiced on a rental car showed up to the road test in that rental car and the proctor told me no you can't use a rental car. She gave me a chance to come back with a owned care. Went and got my Daddy's car keys and used his car, but I didn't know where the gear shiftier was or how to adjust the mirrors and failed again..smh. The next time I took it I used my friend Tameika's car she took her time with me and met with me after work and let me practice and then took me to the road test. I finally got to pull away from the curb and show my skills and passed. I was so excited and grateful to Meika. Thanks Meika!!
I love new, new ideas, new beginnings. new dreams, new thoughts, new fresh. I just have difficulty or discipline in making it happen and seeing it through. Like the focus is there and then it just flies away. When I do see it through and it just doesn't flow the way I envisioned it I get depressed.I loose that momentum to keep pushing and that sucks in today's world. In today's world you get left. Left behind and so does your dreams. I created a vision board for 2019 and it start out manifesting I was on it and happy and loving it. Little things were happening giving me big happiness.It was flowing as I visioned it I felt important I felt needed, I felt like I was growing. Then it just stopped and I became discouraged and depressed and now when I look at that board I feel like I let myself down. It's 2020 I should just throw it out. I don't have the strengthen to toss it, because I still want that life for myself; with some changes at this point. Things I wanted before I no longer want and for 2020 I created a new vision board, but it's in a book and I barely look at it, but when I do open that book it makes me smile it makes me think of the possibilities I guess because the vision isn't so daunting. Now with life of Covid-19 new is on hold. I finally invested in myself and ordered the things I needed to start my business idea and guess what it's on hold. Life is on hold. actually everyone's life right now is on hold. These days I just want to be left alone to myself to figure me out. Tired of being an doing everything and having nothing for myself.